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☆うれしいてんし☆ [userpic]

Friends only!

June 23rd, 2035 (08:58 am)
What I'm listening to: Ketsumeishi - "Tomodachi"

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☆うれしいてんし☆ [userpic]

Random

September 5th, 2009 (04:32 pm)
contemplative

current mood: contemplative
What I'm listening to: Metropolin - "Lo Omeret Klum"


To whom it may concern:

 

            Why is that we all argue over whose pain is worse?  Quite frankly, how do you, or I, know what anyone else is going through?  It’s not possible.  I am not trying to start a flame war, but quite simply trying to show you how idiotic the whole thing is.

            I have grown up watching my father suffer with cluster headaches and my mother suffer with migraines and painful periods.  I myself have suffered with endometriosis for many a year, and now IBS.  I also have borderline personality disorder.  I wouldn’t wish what I have on my parents, nor would they wish what they have on me.  Nor will I ever say that I hurt worse than them, even in my direst moments.

            Many of you say that sufferers don’t understand.  You bitch, you whine, you complain that they will NEVER understand what you are going through.  Maybe they don’t, but YOU are the only one who can change that.  Part of being a sufferer, unfortunately, is also being a supporter, though many people don’t realize that.  Your family, your friends, your group of supporters needs to know that no matter how bad you hurt, no matter how bad the thoughts are in your mind, that you still love them and them need them. 

            Sometimes what sufferers go through doesn’t even compare to what supporters have to go through.  Yes we hurt, but they have to watch us hurt, they have to watch, knowing that they can’t do anything.  Many a time over the past years I’ve watched my mother holding her head in agony knowing that there was nothing I could do to help her.  When I was younger, only a child, I watched my father suffer with his clusters, thinking in my young mind that I could help if I offered him a cold rag.  In recent years, both my parents have watched me suffer, go through treatment after treatment, surgery after surgery, only to be left hurting again.

            I am from a family of both those who suffer and those who support.  I am tired of seeing people say that those who don’t suffer don’t understand.  I am tired of seeing those that support being told that they don’t understand.  I am, also, very tired of many supporters not trying to understand.  The circle must be made.

             Pain is pain, no matter what form it comes in, whether it is that of the sufferer, or that of the supporter.  We’d all be wise to not forget that.

           

                                                                                    Sincerely,

                                                                                    Sarah

☆うれしいてんし☆ [userpic]

{Request} Ran Vol. 3 - I Love You

May 9th, 2009 (07:35 pm)
bouncy

current mood: bouncy
What I'm listening to: Super Junior - "Sorry Sorry"

 I was wondering if anyone had this.  I can't find it anywhere and yesasia has been out of stock. :(

☆うれしいてんし☆ [userpic]

Noises in the Wall

January 26th, 2009 (12:53 pm)
weird

current mood: weird
What I'm listening to: T.I. - "Whatever You Like"

 No, I promise, I'm not insane. Even though this sounds like something out of a really bad horror movies. It's not, I swear it's not.

After caring for the demon on four paws this morning I blissfully passed out in bed next to he who has some sort of temporary plague. Wonderful, yes? Yes, because after a night of freezing my ass off on the couch because it was more comfortable than my bed, I have no problem with curling up to the feverish boy thing who was apparently appalled at the thought of having to share the bed in his sickness.

After realizing that my alarm did not go off at 10:30 like I had intended it to, I shot out of bed at 10:45 going,"OMFG Bella's shat in her kennel." Of course, she hadn't, so I ran her outside to do the joyful deeds of puppy business. Upon coming back inside, I realize that the thumping sound that I'd been hearing in my sleep was not from the neighbors, was not from outside, but from the wall.

Let me state something right now: Noises are NOT supposed to come from my walls. Not unless I'm in some creepy horror movie, and last time I checked, my apartment is not a scene for a creepy horror movie.

So, for the last two hours, both the demon on four paws and I have listened to the scratching, knocking, OMG let me out of his Hell hole noises from my wall. While freaking me out, to a "this isn't Sarah" extent, the demon on four paws decided to befriend the creature in the wall, sitting by the wall with a look of intent concentration upon her face. Every few minutes, she would run back to me, sit on the couch, and give me the look of,"But mommy, it won't come out and play!" Because totally, mysterious creatures in the wall NEED to get into my apartment and entertain the demon on four paws.

Thankfully, after two hours, I think the mysterious creature in the wall has died due to gleeful asphyxiation. After constantly having visions of said creature finding a way through the wall and dive bombing me with undue rage, maybe I can finally do what needs to be done today, even if I do have a horribly disappointed demon on four paws.

☆うれしいてんし☆ [userpic]

(no subject)

January 6th, 2009 (07:31 am)
What I'm listening to: Lesley Roy - "Come to Your Senses"

So this is how it is
This is how it goes, I know
That there's not a single word I can say
You'll go your own way

It's you and you alone
I need to feel you close
To me
I long to hold your face in my hands
The heart is hard to understand

Love is a mystery
The truth of it hard to see
O yeah
I'm counting on destiny
To bring you to your senses
I'm counting on destiny

Come to your senses

Words cannot explain
What it's like without
You here
And the never-ending rain, how it falls
Drowning me, drowning me

Love is a mystery
The truth of it hard to see
O yeah
I'm counting on destiny
To bring you to your senses
I'm counting on destiny

Come to your senses
Come to your senses

'Cause there's nothing I can do
Nothing I can say
To break your defences
Come to your senses

Love is a mystery
The truth of it hard to see
O yeah
I'm counting on destiny
To bring you to your senses

Love is a mystery
The truth of it hard to see
O yeah
I'm counting on destiny
To bring you to your senses

I'm counting on destiny

If this is how it ends, if this is how it goes
I know

☆うれしいてんし☆ [userpic]

(no subject)

December 31st, 2008 (08:06 pm)

It just hit that I will never give birth to a child.
I feel useless.
Happy fucking New Year.

☆うれしいてんし☆ [userpic]

Pictures of Bella!

December 1st, 2008 (10:55 am)
amused

current mood: amused
What I'm listening to: Lee Soo Young - "Hwi Ril Ri"

Pretty puppy~Collapse )

☆うれしいてんし☆ [userpic]

(no subject)

November 12th, 2008 (01:07 pm)
uncomfortable

current mood: uncomfortable

I bought razors yesterday.
I was going to kill myself, but I couldn't.
I'm screaming inside and I can't do anything about anything anymore.
I just want to die.
Dear God, just make it go away, please.

☆うれしいてんし☆ [userpic]

Apartment!

September 14th, 2008 (09:59 am)
awake

current mood: awake
What I'm listening to: Utada Hikaru - "Traveling"

So Stu and I have officially moved into the apartment. We still need to get some stuff like his box springs so we can actually sleep on the bed and not on the mattress on the floor. We need furniture for the living room, but we'll solve that when we go to his mamaw's and get the two chairs. We need a couch, but we don't have the money right now. We're looking at futons and stuff, but Stu's worried about me being able to sleep/sit on in them because of my back, especially because of the wreck.

So, does anyone know a place to buy or order couches/futons/sofas that are affordable for poor people? lol

We don't have gas yet, but Rose and them said I could go shower over there which is good, because cold showers make me miserable and crabby. xD

I'll get Happy either tomorrow or Tuesday, which hopefully we'll have more stuff in here by then. I already have her litter box set up and everything.

☆うれしいてんし☆ [userpic]

Positive-ness is in order, or something like that...

August 15th, 2008 (02:11 am)
contemplative

current mood: contemplative
What I'm listening to: Manzura - "Qo'g'chiroqman"

Okay, back to back entries.  I'm going to write type  down everything positive about Stu.  I think it's needed because then I can come back and read when I'm feeling down about us/him/me...we'll just refer to 'us' from now on.  Now, let's get started....--fairly long list--

When we first started talking, I gave him four reasons why no one would ever want to date me and/or stay with me for long and he gave me four reasons as to why any guy would want me.

On our first date, we went and saw Becoming Jane and he actually liked it.  Oh, and he also bought me roses because he remembered that I'd said I liked them - three red roses to be exact.  It was only like 11 when the movie ended so we decided to go to the park.  Well, I pretty much kidnapped him and took him to the park and we stayed there til 3 in the morning just walking around and talking.  He even protected me from bugs and even massaged my foot since I was stubborn and refused to wear the walking boot (Yes,yes, I know, shush).  When I went and dropped him off at his car, he finally was like,"Where's my goodbye kiss?"  And when I pulled away from him, he pulled me back to him and kissed me.  I think we wasted 30 to 45 minutes standing outside in front of Tinseltown wrapped in each other's arms.

A couple of days later, when we had my mastiff put to sleep, I'd had a really bad day anyway and couldn't stand to stay at my house any longer and called Stu in tears asking him if he'd come get me.  He was on MSN and he was like,"Well I will, but I'm not as pretty as I used to be."  He'd had an accident at work that day and gotten hurt pretty bad.  Of course, he still looked fine.  We spent the night together, but he had to bring me home so we came home at like 1 and he was in pain and told me that he had to write a blog about me.  Of course, I'm STILL waiting for that blog.

Falling asleep next to him is one of my favorite things in the world, and I've shared quite a few people's beds (not like THAT either...just sleeping in the same bed) and nothing beats knowing that I can wake up next to him.  He's probably also the cutest person alive when he wakes up, even though he'll kill me for saying that.

When he had LARP games, he always made sure that I had food beforehand.  If I got sick while he was at LARP, he'd offer to bring me medicine home.  Once, he came in when I was asleep, and just left me alone.  (That may not seem like much to you, but it means the world to me).

He gave up one day of the Chicken Festival to go to a wedding with me.  A wedding that we didn't make it to, but still...and then agreed to get dragged along as we went to see my best friend, Becca.  Even though they terrorized me with the idea of putting a huge caterpillar on me, it was great.

He pushed me to get my coursework done, which is an effort in itself, because well, anyone who knows me, knows that I'm probably the most hardheaded female alive.  Even if he usually refused to help me grade tests.

It never bothered him when I randomly showed up at his house after a night of stressful classes, just to come back the next night.  (I happen to think he rather liked it.)

He tolerates, even likes some of my foreign music.  He'll act silly to TikTak's "Heilutaan" and has promised me, that should he ever make a movie, he'll find a way to put it in there just for me.

He took damned good care of me when I was sick, and that was a lot those first few months.  He even went grocery shopping one day and came back with a cute little stuffed animal for me that I still have. 

On Valentine's Day, I got to the apartment before he did, so when he got there, he locked me in Rose and Timbo's room.  When I finally got to come out, he had a ton of stuffed animals (including a HUGE stuffed gorilla) and roses for me propped up in my little chair.   That was the first day we ever said,"I love you" to each other.  I'd written it in my card to him and we argued about whether it was cliche or not to say it on Valentine's Day and then he finally told me that he loved me too.

On the day that we got back together, we both knew that it was going to happen.  Nothing's ever felt so right, and weird, at that.

To Stu:  I love you a thousand times over, bardzo kocham cie, s'agapw, wo ai ni, aishiteru....

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